Brothers

Sunday was a great day for Sam!! He was ordained a Teacher in our church and the really cool part was that Spencer was able to do the ordination!  I was so proud of both of them.  They are both such worthy young men and I couldn't be happier about the way they conduct their lives.  It was so cool to catch a small glimpse of how Spencer will change lives and bless others when he leaves on him mission next year. 

I could just feel the love that Spencer has for his brother and how he watches out for him physically and spiritually.  Sam looks up to Spencer and his eyes light up when Spence spends time with him but today was extra special.  It was really neat to witness that on Sunday.  You don't always see that everyday when their activities take them in different directions.  Sunday was one of those days when you see the fruits of your mothering labors. 

I love these kids!!!!

My favorite thing

There are lots of things I love about being a mom but there is one thing about the job that I just love! 

Sometimes, my kids are faced with challenging things, maybe some poor decisions have been made or maybe not.  Maybe they grapple with feelings they don't know what to do with, anger, feeling misplaced in the world.  They act out, get angry, tempers flare but I know that deep down inside, under all those unfavorable acts, there is just a little kid.

I am so glad that I learned a few years ago that the little innocent kid is still stowed safely inside even if it is underneath years of growth, maturity and friends that seem so much more important than anything else.  Though years have passed and they have chronologically advanced, they really are still the little one I would chase around the park, push on the swing, cuddle up with, sing to and read stories to of happily ever afters.  They still want to be hugged, read to and wrapped in a big warm blanket while singing them lullabies, even if they can scarcely admit it.

Life can often come at us with squelching force and stop us in our tracks.  Our happily ever after isn't exactly like the one's we read about in our book of bedtime stories.  Hugs have become fewer and fleeting at times but every chance I get, I grab them unsuspectingly and I can feel their wannabe hard heart begin to squish in my arms.  Reading to them has become a nightly tradition of a few verses here and couple there from the scriptures.  Simple. 

They are too big now, to wrap up and lay in my arms but as they have grown, I have found other ways to keep them close.  A text message when I know things are tough and the pressure is on, just to remind how much I love them, how proud I am of their choices even in the face of trouble.  An out of the blue love note, a little something they weren't expecting. 

That's my favorite thing about being a mother...all the surprising ways I can show my love to them even when they are acting unlovable; those times when I am able to hold my tongue, keep my cool and react in loving ways they weren't expecting.  It's in those moments when the hugs become familiar, those little arms I once felt around my neck when they were little.  We become closer again, an important piece of trust falls into place and hearts are softened.  The moment is innocent again, just like it use to be before life got all complicated and they had to grow up.  It feels like just the four of us against the world but together is the best place to be, no matter what life drops in our path.  A place that makes me happy to be their mom.  

Listen to your gut

I was reminded this week of how important it is to listen to your gut!  I usually do a lot of second guessing my feelings and brush them off as paranoid, unrealistic, irrational, you get it right?  Well, this time, I didn't and I'm so glad! 

Over the past two months, I have been getting a huge number of readers from a certain country which shall remain nameless.  The number of page views for my blog coming out of this country doubled from what I get in the US.  At first I thought it was cool because the more readers I get, the more offers to write for other companies I get and that generates both experience and a little income.  I started thinking it was strange that everyday, I was getting more and more hits from this company but then assumed that it was probably a family who had kids with Shwachman Diamond Syndrome or Mitochondrial Disease and looking to connect with another family having similar experiences. 

There has always been this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach but other than going private, I didn't really know what else to do. During this time, I kept noticing articles on how a web address or domain can be hijacked from someone similar to identity theft.  I took an online class and there was a whole week dedicated to web hijacking.  It was interesting but I didn't think it applied to me.  Earlier this week, I was emailed an article from a fellow blogger whose blog had been hijacked.  She wrote of how someone from China had hacked into her account and changed all the settings so she no longer had any access to it. 

Long story short, the FBI got involved and after a few months, her blog was returned to her.  The FBI said that most blogs or websites are hijacked when they have a large number of readers and then all the content is replaced with pornography or other illegal activity!  She was lucky to have resolved things before they dumped all her content.   Her blog is huge and I think it is in syndication so it was a big deal for her.  She laid out in her article all the things one needed to do to protect themselves. 

I decided to take my uneasy feelings seriously and track back all the links of people who read my blog and see where they take me.  I started with the unknown readers from this one particular country.  Every single link from their IP addresses to mine were pornographic even though the titles of the website linking to mine were things supposedly pertaining to 'house cleaning', 'best mom' etc.  Why would I have even thought those were pornographic websites? 

Over the last two days, I have increased my online security, changed all my passwords to insanely difficult ones and every single online account has a different password and sign in.  It has been time consuming and annoying to say the least but just in two days, traffic from the country in question has dropped to just under 15 visits to my site instead of over 100 visits a day.  It looks like I foiled the criminals just in time.  I have also sent a message to blogger and flagged their activity. 

I hope it wasn't too late.  The Internet is a dangerous place and the bigger it gets the more careful we need to be.  Through all this, I learned another interesting thing.  People who are in the pornographic market don't use keywords like 'pornography' to attract visitors, they use keywords like 'family', 'mom', 'grandmother', and other keywords that seem completely harmless.  They don't care about luring in the already skanky person, they want the naive, innocent ones who are just minding their own business!  How sad.  So, some big lessons learned this week which I'm grateful for but being a person that hardly trusts anyone anyways, my walls just got a little bit taller and a little bit wider!

Keeping up

Being a mother is not for the faint of heart, nope.  You gotta be on your toes...At. All. Times.  There is no rest for the weary. 

Today was Sam's last day of school!  Hooray for another crappy year under our belts!  Here is where I am going to admit one embarrassing thing today.  I cried when I dropped Sam off at school this morning.  I wasn't planning on crying but I did.  It wasn't a long, drawn out sob but tears did escape my eyes and it wasn't allergies. 

I know there are parents all over crying because now they have three months of listening to a dulling chorus of "I'm bored" as it echo's and bounces off the walls, meeting up with the refrain, "There's nothing to do."  For me, that will be music to my ears!  I cried because I am was so relieved to be done with this stupid school district and lame Junior and Senior High!!!  I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. 

For the next three months, I will not have to answer the phone and hear a stupid recording of yet another policy they have designed to further control our children and take away their agency.  We will not have hours of math homework and tears, busy work like building a freaking scale model of the space shuttle Columbia...who cares if Sam knows how to build the space shuttle, it's already been built and unlike Noah, I am pretty sure he will never be called upon to build another one!  I could be wrong but I don't think, even in a bind, NASA will call upon 8th graders to complete their construction tasks. 

Most of all I am relieved that for the next three months, when my kids are sick, I will not have to answer to any teachers, secretaries or principals.  I won't have read anymore letters telling me that my kids grades suck and they will be stripped of their credit due to absences.  I won't have to defend their health issues, get any letters from doctors that back me up.  We won't have any all nighters trying to get caught up on missed work because teachers think all their stupid busy work needs to be caught up within 24 hours after returning back to school from a week of being sick.  I won't have to explain why I didn't pick up homework for them to do while they lay in the hospital with maliginant vomiting...really?    You would think that after 31 combined years in this district, they would get it by now.  I could go on and on but suffice it to say, today has been a glorious day to say 'goodbye' to this school year! 

Sam came home with his yearbook today.  As a dutiful mom, I read all the little comments his classmates wrote on the inside cover of his book.  Here is where it really helps to be a mom in the know.  You can't be a naive mom in this day and age...One kid said, "Hey Sam, let's go get a Brazillian lap dance this summer."  Are you kidding me???  What kind of 8th grader says stuff like that?  Terrifies me!!  Then, I noticed that some kid named Hakas signed his book a few times so I said, "Sam, why did you let this kid sign your book so many times?  Isn't once enough?" 
"What kid?"
"This Hakas, kid."
"Mom, that is not a kid's name.  It means something different."
"Like.....?"
"Have A Kick A%# Summer.  It's just an abbreviation. "

Oh my gosh...see?  Being a mom is not for the faint of heart!! Whew!

According to Sam

I noticed the last couple of weeks that Sam hardly had any homework so I asked him what the deal was? 
"Sam, you never have homework.  Shouldn't you have lots the last couple of weeks and if not projects, studying at least?"
"Nope.  I don't need to study for finals.  I just show up."
"Is that really the best idea?"
"Mom, it has been scientifically proven that not preparing for finals helps you do better on the tests."
"Really, whose the scientist that came up with that hypothesis?  Sounds  a little fishy if you ask me."
"I did the scientific study myself and it's true, I even used my science class as the experiment.  I studied really hard for one test and only got a 63%.  The next test, I didn't even crack a book and I got 91%.  See?  I do better without studying."
"Interesting...That's your scientific study?  I guess you have it all figured out.  Ok, carry on with your after school plans."

And, he never cracked a book and took his finals today.  He said he did well but we'll see.  Spencer has adopted the same theory.  Who am I to argue with them?  Spencer even reported that before his math test, he asked his teacher what would happen to his 'C' grade if he flunked the final.  The teacher told him that it would still stay a 'C' so that was apparently good enough for Spencer and he wasn't too stressed and actually did quite well.  In English, he asked the teacher the same thing and she basically said that his grade wouldn't change that much if he failed the exam.  Since he did so well on the math test by not making an effort, he took the same approach.  He said most of the exam was over stuff he missed while we were in Seattle so he was really confused.  Turns out he got a 93%- second highest in the class!

 Maybe it's the anxiety and high expectations that make people test poorly.  When my boys just give up and don't care, they do really well.  So, here's to my boys for caring less and getting better grades!  I might add a disclaimer though, I'm not sure this technique works for everyone.  It would not work for me!

Not every day

My favorite store in the entire world is Barnes and Noble.  I could spend hours there and hundreds of dollars if I were not a responsible human being.  There is just something about the smell of fresh ink that I can't resist.  I love having so much information at the tip of my fingers.  Two ladies I clean for love books and have an extensive number of them.  I love to dust them, each title so different and intriguing.  Someday, I hope to have a giant collection of books. 

Last Monday, after Sam's Birthday dinner, I asked if it would be okay if I ran into Barnes and Noble quickly to pick up a book for book club.  The kids were fine with it and I seriously took 5 minutes to ask someone where I could find the book title.  The kids scattered in different directions, warning me if I got sidetracked.   The book wasn't in stock so I put my name down on the waiting list and went to find my kids.  I looked in all the usual places, music, games, magazines but could not find them.  After a couple of minutes of looking, I discovered them here...

They were all engrossed in the finest literature...not picture books or magazines but actual books!  I mean, check out the size of book Sam is reading!  I almost dropped dead.  All I ever hear about bookstores is that they are so boring.  I approached them and said, "Okay, I'm done.  Let's go."

"What's the rush?  Can we just stay and finish looking at our books?"

"Ahhh, ya, sure."

I was so surprised, I wandered around completely distracted.  I was afraid that they would change their mind just as I was getting into my books.   More than 45 minutes passed and I went back to tell them it was time to leave but it still took another 10 min. before they finally closed the covers.

This was quite possibly a dream evening with my kids.   

White Buffalo

Sunday was the perfect day to run away.  I wanted to run far, far away, like to the other side of the world or another world would have been fine too but instead we only got as far as Jackson Hole.  The weather was perfect, the mountains were bursting with new life and the most vivid shades of green.  The sun roof was open, a breeze kept us cool and the sun poured in, filling us up with some much needed Vitamin D.

On our way back, we stopped in Driggs to check out the White Buffalo at Huntsman Springs.  This was my first time seeing a white buffalo and it was pretty cool but I am still partial to the dark, rich brown.  These guys were right at the fence.  At one point, he started snorting and pawing the dirt, I didn't really trust the electric fence so I made everyone get back in the car.  If you are around these parts, it's a fun little afternoon trip and free.  On the site is a little pond and babbling brook along with some historical cabins and other sights. 

While you're in Driggs, stop at O'Rourkes for a tower of onion rings!  They are really good!  Less than 10 miles up the road is Victor.  Victor is home to one of the best home accessory stores- Festive Living.  You must stop in and see all the coolest things for your home.  Tell the kids if they are good, you will take them to the Victor Emporium and have one of the best milkshakes around!  In the area there is also a cheese factory, second hand shops and all sorts of unique stores to browse around in. 

Happy Birthday Samuel!

Samuel had his golden birthday today!  He turned 14 years old.  I was so happy getting things ready for his celebration tonight.  We kept it low key, just the 4 of us and that's the way I like it.  Sam has always worried about how much things cost, especially since I lost my job.  He was sure to tell me that he really didn't need anything for his birthday and when I asked him where he wanted to go for his birthday dinner, he said fast food would be fine. 

I wanted this birthday to be special for Sam and I wanted the kids to have one night where they didn't have to worry about the cost of things so we went to Red Robin complete with bottomless soda! 

He has been a joy to raise so far!  He is trustworthy and wants to do what's right.  He has had his ups and downs and is still trying to find his place in his little corner of the world.  He has a tender heart and an honest heart.  Sam has always been the sweetest boy.  He often writes little poems or quotes and leaves them on my pillow. 

I still can't believe how fast he is growing up.  His voice is changing and when I call his cell phone and he answers, I'm still thrown by how low is voice is getting.  It sort of makes me sad!  He's been my little sidekick all along.  It was just him and I when Spencer started kindergarten.  We filled our time with crafts, walks to the park and afternoon snuggles before his nap. 

This past Saturday, Spencer and Shelbie were working and I had finally finished prom decorating so I asked Sam if he would come shopping with me.  I wanted to check out the new stores at one of the newest little shopping plazas in town.  He was such a great sport, even when the clerk at one store asked him if he thought the lotion smelled 'Yummy'.  "Yummy?"  Sam asked, "Women are so weird!"  It got funnier when we went upstairs to check out the new day spa and an extremely feminine man working there just couldn't wait to tell me all about their new skin care line.  He pulled down a bottle of cream and said, "Do you love vanilla?  I just love vanilla!  Smell this!"  He stuck the bottle in Sam's nose then said, "Tasty!!! Isn't it?!"  He was so animated we were both trying so hard not to laugh!!  When we left the store I said, "Sam, guys are so weird...'Tasty'?"  He looked at me and rolled his eyes and said, "Are we done yet?"

  He has found the one thing in life that makes him happy.  Parkour.  Maybe you've heard of freerunning?  It's a sort of urban gymnastics.  They use buildings, walls, benches, you name it to flip and jump over.  He has come a long way in his skill since joining the gym.  I am always amazed when he see him practicing.  His body is so agile and fluid.  It's really cool to see.   He also loves to draw and ride his bike.  

Here are some of my favorite pics of Sam and his birthday celebration tonight.

Sam, just a couple days old.  He weighed in at 7' 10 oz and was 22" long.  His labor was an easy 10 hours, no epidural.  Well, it wasn't easy but considering Shelbie took 24 hours of hard labor to arrive, Spencer was 14 hellish hours, Sam was a piece of cake.  I had an epidural with the first two but they were such horrible experiences, I went natural with Sam and it turned out okay.   He was 3 weeks early but obviously ready to come.

Practicing Parkour

Birthday dinner at Red Robin

Not thrilled when they sang Happy Birthday.

Sam doesn't like cake or icecream but he loves my chocolate chip cookies so I made him a giant one!  Too bad everyone felt too sick to eat any of it but he did blow the candles out.

Sam doesn't have a birthday without his favorite drink. 

This year, Sam has been collecting watches.  Here's another one to add to his collection. 

All in all, he had a great birthday and it was so much fun just hanging out with the kids.  Tonight, they are all sleeping out in the living room and watching a movie.  I have the best kids!  I know every mom says that but I really couldn't ask for better kids.  I wouldn't trade them for anything or anyone elses'.  We had a great time laughing and having fun tonight in the simplest of ways.